Imprecise Calculations
by SilentProtagonist000
Summary: Before the mission, Courtney calculated that there was only a 0.38% chance that her leader and Archie had any sexual attraction to one another. Courtney's calculations were rarely wrong. Well, rarely, but sometimes they were. [Hardenshipping] [Smut warning]


**This was actually written for one of two reasons:**

**1\. I was running out of Hardenshipping smut and needed more to satiate my addiction**

**2\. I was depressed at the lack of "I am flustered and nervous" Archie and "hey I'm gonna grab your dick and ask you how you're doin'" Maxie.**

**Courtney is way too cute. She's my favorite thing.**

**WARNING: Here be smut dragons.**

* * *

"You'd look so much better with your face between my legs." Archie almost spit out his coffee at the characteristically nasally voice that he knew so well, strangely assertive and booming from his doorway. Looking up from his office desk, he was shocked to see the Maxie leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest and a devious smirk on his face. Archie was so used to seeing Maxie eternally scowling and pinched, standing upright with a dignified gaze, rather than slouched and hazy at Archie's door. The change in expression was jarring—even more jarring than the fact that the Team Magma leader had somehow gotten past his grunts, his admins, and his security system to be standing here before him.

However, it wasn't quite as jarring as what the hell he'd just said. Am I having a stroke? Archie wondered. Maxie had just made an obviously sexual pass at him and the Team Aqua leader decided to pretend that he hadn't heard it. That was obviously not in Maxie's nature at all. He'd probably been hallucinating.

Archie slammed his coffee mug down on the desk and frowned. "Maxie, what the hell are you doing here? How did you get in?" He demanded. Yeah, his team was a little… disorganized, being made up of runaway teens and criminal pirates, but at least his defenses were airtight. He had no idea how someone as blatantly antagonistic as Maxie had managed to get in. Color Archie shocked—Maxie didn't seem to be the underhanded criminal mastermind that he claimed to be. Still, the situation before him was very real—an enemy was in the base and Archie had to get rid of him immediately. His hand hovered over the panic button next to his telephone, ready to press it and alert his grunts until Maxie spoke up.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," the Magma leader said languidly. "Why, if you call anyone in here, I'd have to punish you like the very bad boy that you are."

As if his words were made of fire, Archie felt his hand freeze over the button and his entire body warm up at the dirty, seductive tone that Maxie used. It had happened twice—surely he wasn't losing his mind. Still, denial took hold and gripped him tightly, even as Maxie sauntered over to Archie's desk, a light sway in the leader's hips, undulating beneath the heavy red uniform coat and hypnotizing him. Slowly and sensually, Maxie slid onto Archie's table, sitting with one leg draped over the side and his red gaze aflame and half-lidded with what Archie could not mistake for anything except lust.

A lump formed in the Aqua leader's throat. "Get off my desk," he said, trying to sound commanding, but the heavy nervousness in his voice caused his tone to falter. "Answer my question before I call my grunts. Why are you here?"

Sighing, Maxie glanced away from Archie and toward the wall of the office, fanning his hand in front of his face. A small moan escaped his lips and Archie found himself swallowing and pushing his lower body underneath the desk to hide his arousal—something that could not be easily concealed beneath a tight wetsuit. "Arceus, you keep this base ridiculously hot," Maxie said. "It's worse than the temperature in my hideout." Craning a single finger beneath the neck of his red turtleneck, he pulled the material away from his body and Archie caught a glimpse of his pale, white skin, glistening slightly with sweat. Involuntarily, Archie licked his limps, amazed at how dry the air around them was in his normally wet, humid base.

"So you came here to complain about the temperature of my home?" Archie suddenly realized that Maxie was right—it was really hot in here and he was going to pretend it had nothing to do with the thin, waifish lava nerd sitting at the end of his goddamned desk. He tried not to watch as Maxie slid his bright red trenchcoat over his shoulders and dropped it, the crimson material shuddering like a waterfall as it fell to the ground, leaving only the black vest and the heavy red sweater left. When Maxie reached up to unzip the front of his shirt, Archie cleared his throat. "And stop stripping. Answer my question."

"Why, isn't it obvious, Archie?" Maxie asked playfully, a smirk painting his freckled face as he dragged the zipper down, shucking the vest on the same invisible pile that was forming out of Archie's sight. Archie could see the vague outline of Maxie's ribs protruding beneath the thick sweater and he nearly whimpered. He felt starved and wanted to suck on them. "I'm here for a… social visit, you could say." With a sultry gaze lingering beneath the lenses of his glasses, the Magma leader reached down to the seam of his sweater and pulled it up and over his head, the material snagging briefly on the frames of his eyewear and tousling his usually pin-straight and styled hair. With the last of his tops gone, Maxie got up from the desk and began a slow, agonizing walk around to Archie's side.

Archie was no longer looking into Maxie's eyes—his stare was instead affixed on Maxie's chest, dotted with freckles and startlingly white for as much time as he spent in volcanoes. A constellation of birthmarks strung across his body, crossing over the valleys that made up the dips between his bones and circling around his pink, pert nipples, hard despite the heat. There was no struggle from the Aqua leader as Maxie slung his arms around his neck, sitting on Archie's lap with his legs—still clad in his shorts and matching tights—entwined around the back of the chair, straddling him and grinding their lower halves together. It took every iota of Archie's perseverance to not reach up and run his fingers along Maxie's long, slender sides, even as the red gaze above him trapped him in a cloud of lust.

Archie swallowed. "Get off me, Maxie," he said, not really able to articulate himself any further at this point.

Smirking, Maxie shifted in Archie's lap, causing the muscular pirate to moan loudly, without restraint, the accidental noise causing him to blush. Maxie was just as turned on as he was. "Something else of yours doesn't want me to move," Maxie purred. Archie's breaths came in low pants and he couldn't stop focusing on the whole universe of freckles on Maxie's chest and how desperate he was to devour each and every one of them, but he forced his dignity to the forefront. Maxie was so normally cross—he always walked around like he had a stick in his ass and frowned at even the cutest baby Zubat. Secretly, Archie loved that about Maxie—he played hard to get and Archie ate that act up like a Pokeblock. Every inch of him wanted to break the Magma leader down and reduce him to a begging, mewling mess as he was being fucked into the floor.

However, Archie certainly wasn't exactly complaining about this new, seductive Maxie either.

Archie bit back yet another groan as Maxie nudged his hips further, teasing the extremely hard lump in his wetsuit. He wasn't going to surrender to his number one enemy, as sexy and feisty as he was today. "Maxie, I swear to Arceus, if you don't explain to me what the hell you're doing half-naked on my lap, I will start screaming for my grunts. And no, 'social visit' isn't an acceptable answer." It was obvious to him that Maxie was up to no good, but if he was trying to achieve something by doing this, it was definitely working.

Rolling his eyes, Maxie huffed. "Do I have to spell it out to you, dumb pirate?" he grumbled in his typically taut tone, much different than the milk-and-honey drawling he was using up until now. Somehow, hearing regular Maxie speak made him ever harder. Leaning in, Maxie trailed a semblance of a bite against Archie's ear, drawing a circle with his tongue along the lobe. "I want that thick, fat cock of yours in my ass. That's why I'm here."

Suddenly, Archie's resolve broke and he found himself at the complete mercy of his desires. In a flurry of movement, Archie grabbed Maxie and threw him on the table, ripping off his mega anchor and unzipping his wetsuit with one hand. Maxie, taken aback by the change of act for a moment, quickly recovered and swiftly undid his belt, tearing his shorts and sweater tights off as fast as possible. Maxie was a natural redhead, Archie discovered, just as he'd thought and he was glad he could validate it now. Archie's hands and mouths were everywhere all at once—on Maxie's neck, all over his chest, on his nipples, biting the flesh of his inner thigh, between his legs—and Maxie's hands were threaded in his hair and tugging at his beard, sighing and moaning sweet melodies that made Archie wish this would never end.

There was no preparation. Maxie, it seemed, had already prepared himself, because Archie slipped in with almost no effort whatsoever, every thrust as fluid as the last. The Aqua leader admired the view under him—Maxie, completely naked and sleek with a hot sheen of sweat, taking Archie's dick in his hole like a champion and looking too damn pleased about it. Archie locked his gaze with Maxie's, brimming with need and pupils fat, and sped up. God, he wished he could burn this image into his head. He was quite literally fucking Team Magma in the ass on his office desk. This was simultaneously the most surprising and the greatest moment of his life.

Heat pooled in his abdomen, a coiled spring releasing somewhere deep within him as he came with a shout, filling Maxie with his seed. Maxie squirmed as he came as well, splattering his abdomen and Archie watching each rope spill from his cock, wanting to lick up every drop. Glasses lopsided and silky hair spread at every angle on the hard surface, Maxie stared at him dreamily and smiled, complacent in his veneer.

"I was right," he sighed. "You looked great with your face between my legs."

* * *

"_You get all the files?_"

"Affirmative," Courtney whispered, kneeling behind a filing cabinet in Team Aqua's dark file storage room, having been rummaging around for sensitive records on the Blue Orb that Team Aqua was planning to use to awaken the ancient water Pokemon Kyogre. One hand was on the pile of papers that she'd pilfered and another pressed on the ear of the headset she was using to communicate with Tabitha. She was donned in a female Team Aqua grunt uniform, feeling somewhat exposed in the shorts and striped crop top. When she, Maxie, and the other admin had discussed their plan for stealing the information, they'd all agreed that Tabitha would be too recognizable, so he'd remained behind at the base.

"_What did you learn? Let me write down a summary in case you get caught,_" Tabitha instructed over the headset.

"Team Aqua has the Blue Orb in their possession, but they haven't been able to locate Kyogre yet," she said. "But, according to my calculations, there is an 89.2% chance of them finding its resting place within the next month. We need to act accordingly and find Groudon first. I will brief Maxie on the contents of the files upon my return to the base."

"_Thanks_," Tabitha said. "_You did great, Courtney. Maxie will be proud. You should probably get out of there before someone finds you in the library—I'd assume grunts aren't allowed in there without proper clearance, so someone's going to want to know how you got in_."

Courtney checked around the corner to ensure that no one had opened the door and, once seeing that the coast was clear, jogged quickly to the exit. "I am approaching the door," she said lowly. "I will now meet with the leader at Meeting Checkpoint Alpha outside the Team Aqua base. I'll let you go now, Tabitha. I will re-contact you once I meet with Maxie."

"_Gotcha_," Tabitha said. "_Hurry, now. I'm pretty sure Maxie is done distracting Archie, so you've gotta get out of the base before you trip any of the grunts' attention_."

"Affirtmative," Courtney said again. "Wait, Tabitha, I have one question."

"_What is it?_"

"What does leader mean by 'distracting'?" she asked. "I do not understand why sidetracking the leader of Team Aqua is important in this particular mission. After all, he himself does not do personal checks of the files—his personnel do. Leader Maxie did not have to endanger himself by embarking on this mission." Courtney sounded clearly concerned for her leader's safety, but Tabitha was feeling in a rather playful mood and decided to tease her.

"_I have no idea what he means by that_," the other admin said, a devious smile hiding behind his invisible presence. "_It could relate to any number of things. A Pokemon battle. A fistfight. Or hell, maybe they're having sex for all we know_."

Courtney's eyes went wide and she gasped softly. "_Tabitha_," she hissed, stressing his name with irritation. "Your joking attitude is not appreciated in this serious situation. After all, I have done the calculations, and I've concluded that Leader Maxie and the pirate dog Archie only have a 0.38% chance of having sexual interest in one anot—"

Tabitha laughed at Courtney's expense. "_I know, Courtney, I know_," he snickered. "_I know how much you're crushing on Maxie. I was just playing with you. Maxie's probably just engaging him in battle, like I said before. And Archie's an unpredictable guy—honestly, I'm glad Maxie stepped in. Who knows what he could do_?" At Courtney's silence, Tabitha sighed. He'd upset her badly. He'd have to apologize at another time."_Listen, just get out of there. We'll worry about the logistics of it later._"

Courtney grumbled something unintelligible under her breath and finally cleared her throat in agreement. "Yes, I need to leave," she said. "I'm hanging up now, Tabitha."

"_Get out of there safely_." Tabitha disconnected with a click.

As Courtney left the library and snuck her way out of the base, Tabitha's bullying nagged at the back of her mind, but she continually assured herself that she was right—Maxie was the fighting type and did not bend easily to his emotions. That was what she admired about her leader and knew that he had properly taken care of Archie. And, of course, there was only a 0.38% chance of anything of a lewd nature occurring.

Courtney was not well known for having imprecise calculations.


End file.
